Nothing to Say

So I feel so boring since I have nothing much to say but I did have a very vivid dream last night. There were several parts to it but a couple of things I remember clearly:

There was a get-together/party of some sort that was sort of a pre-reunion party for high school that I went to because it was smaller and there were more people that I knew and wanted to see... at one point, I was squeezing between a round table and someone's chair to get past, and somehow tripped, ended up getting the tablecloth stuck to me... and I turned as I fell, yanking even more off and basically made an ass out of myself.

There was a point where I was flirting with some guy. Let it be noted that Matt didn't want to come to this party and I was kind of upset but knew he would ruin my time if he was there and didn't want to be. So anyway I was flirting with this guy, and was enjoying his attention... but then he started leaning in, breathing on my neck and I knew it was about to go to far. I stopped him because I know I couldn't do that to Matt (even in a dream... sheesh!) but it was REALLY hard because I just knew this guy was a good kisser and REALLY wanted to make out with him.

Another moment in the dream I was passing by Randi's house and saw her stepdad in his truck... and then found out that it was Randi's mom who had just died and that Randi was in denial and was lying to everyone and herself... it was sooo sad :(


So besides the dream, not much has been going. Biff (the orange cat) has been scratching at her chin and even has a little bald spot. We just gave her advantage this weekend but I'm not sure Matt got the dose on her since her neck didn't look wet. Is it dangerous to give a cat a double dose? She could be scratching at her chin because we server her water out of a plastic bowl which I've heard can give cat's bumps on their chins. Now she has no bumps, but I'm just paranoid, you know?

I took Figaro to the vet (and even through the grocery store with me since he was chilling in his carrier and silent and practically invisible since the carrier is lined with black cloth). I needed to make sure there was nothing wrong with him physically. The vet was surprised by how mellow he seemed. He was basically a little nervous which is great for a trip to the vet. However, thats how he is all the time and he didn't have any real suggestions for us.

So now here is where you can laugh at me. I've booked an appointment with a cat behaviorist to find out what exactly is going on with him. Somehow I need to understand what he's feeling (threatened? scared? shy? exposed?) so I can help break through his barriers and get him to open up. Its so hard to see him scared of his toys. I'm petting him every night now, but I have to drag him out from under the bed to do it. He doesn't struggle as much now since he knows it will be a good experience, I just don't understand why he struggles at all when he knows its time to be pet and loved and brushed. I spend 30-60 minutes with him each night, playing classical music softly and petting him. He's so funny though, he growled at the window when we heard an animal rustling in the leaves and growled when Matt opened the bedroom door. I guess people don't often hear cats growl so everyone I tell this story to is extremely amused by it.

Clio is great as always, just adorable and sweet. She likes to lie on the floor of the bathroom with her head on the carpet. We think she likes the cool floor and chooses that spot in particular because she gets a good view of the whole house that way.

My garden is still going strong though the Zuchinni bonanza has let up a bit (thank goodness). I dont' know if I should admit that I haven't used a single item from my garden yet... The zuchinni are on the kitchen table because we found out that it keeps Clio off the table... she's just afraid of them for some reason. I haven't cooked with them because I'm lazy and the kitchen was dirty. We have almost no counter space as it is, so when there are dirty dishes there, I can't even pour myself a bowl of cereal. My peas are good, I've snacked on a few raw but I don't know what to cook with them. The broccoli flowered before I could get to it. I just kept procrastinating, telling myself I'd cut it off tomorrow... then it went too far. I don't plan on letting my tomatoes get ahead of me though... I've been looking forward to those for so long!

Wow... even when I have nothing to say I can still write a novel.. sheesh...
Until next time...

Self Diagnosis

So I am a total hypochondriac and love to think I have diseases that I hear about. Yes.. I wonder if the mole on my inner thigh is cancerous even though it hasn't expanded in 10 years... but I wonder because its not perfectly round and it bulky since chafing has caused it to get inflamed repeatedly. Hmmm, and the self-diagnosis I just came up with is now even more relevant because I was listening to an old NPR interview with this woman who was saying that the 'over-share' is a particular attribute of a bipolar person. Thats something I've never heard before and of course now wonder if I'm bipolar... it could explain why I find it incredibly hard to keep my mouth shut no matter what the issue and usually have to share details with someone.

I don't usually or intentionally blab secrets when I know who is not supposed to hear it.. but if its really juicy or totally messes with my mind, I usually find someone totally unconnected from the secret-sharer to tell it to just so I can get it out of my head.
My love of detail and telling stories makes this even worse. Thats why telling my dreams is usually safe since none of it is real and I don't really hurt anyone's feelings. My husband asked me not to mention something in public as much as I have been and I sat there puzzled, trying to think about how I could have done something differently and really don't know how to not mention something or be discreet.

Don't get me wrong, I know not to tell parents certain things (if you don't think I know how to keep my mouth shut about certain things, you don't know me then ... hehe), but if you recall my myspace blogs, I was very graphic and very detailed and shared a lot. Once I had to start censoring myself, I found it really really hard to think up anything to write. I always find it hard to feel close to someone that I can't share a lot with. For example, I know Guido would have LOVED my graphic rant about my trip to the gynecologist... one of the reasons why he was one of my best friends. Nothing was too graphic, nothing too much of an over-share, no detail too mundane... he loved being immersed in the story of his friend's lives.

I'm really big on the sharing of experiences... for example, we ordered food a month ago or so and my lasagna tasted REALLY funny... a definite non-food taste that I couldn't identify. I wanted Matt to taste it just so he would know what I was going through and to possibly help me figure out what it was, and he refused... he even took it out to the trash so I couldn't keep insisting he try it. Lets just say I got really upset about that... couldn't understand why he wouldn't taste it and he couldn't understand why I would want him to taste something if I knew it tasted bad. When I had really stinky antibiotics, I wanted him to get a whiff of my pills... same thing, he refused to smell them... but when he had stinky pills and he told me they reeked and to go sniff, I did. I want to know other people's experiences and want them to know mine.

Is that so wrong or is it bipolar since I take it to such a degree?

The laziest weekend ever

I really did nothing this weekend. I sat around all day Saturday and did the same on Sunday. I ran to the jewelry store to get my ring serviced and some earrings fixed but ran right back home. I did figure out the trick to getting really good corn on the cob off the barbeque. You leave the husk on, peeling it back to remove the silk, slip some butter in, pull the husk back up and wrap in foil. It keeps the kernals from getting burned but then again, I kind of like the slight scorching.

Wish I could find the energy to do more.... and I want kids? I must be nuts! I also have found that when I play the Sims, I lose all interest in the game once my Sims have kids... its like they can't accomplish anything in life anymore once they have kids to take care of, their careers suffer, they never learn any of the skills they could have without kids etc. Kind of sad and funny since its partially true.

I think the cats have infected me with their laziness. I was lying on the bed wide-awake reading my book and then Clio came up to me, all adorable and looked at me with her sleepy eyes and next thing I knew I wanted a nap. It's like a yawn.. a cat blinking their eyes at you just makes your eyelids feel all heavy.

I accomplished the impossible feat though, I convinced Matt to give me the HD DVR. Its like amputating a limb but since we are trying to curtail our spending a bit, upgrading another DVR right now is not a necessary expense. I pointed out how I had to put up with the crappy TV for a year while he enjoyed the big flat panel tv for his video games etc. Surprisingly it actually worked and I'll soon be able to see my shows in beautiful HD! :)

I have a fan club

Ok, so its only 1 person so far (Hi Kat!) but it makes me feel special and interesting and important.

My quest continues to get my poor little scared kitty Figaro to let us touch him:

For the record, he is yawning in that pic, not being mean.

My latest attempt looks promising, using this funky rubber brush I got at petsmart:

He likes it so far, but he also hasn't really noticed that my hand is holding it.

Here's the background on our situation. We got him at 6 months old in November from the local shelter. He would purr whenever we picked him up but that can also be a sign of fear but once he's relaxed and rolling around in exctasy, its pretty clear that he's happy. Still, as he grew, he wouldn't let us pick him up or touch him unless he was in a specific spot and was totally relaxed/off guard. Meanwhile, he would cuddle up to me at night, sleep between my feet and was known to purr and inch his way up to my armpit while I slept. He was terrified of any strange people and guests who stayed the weekend never even saw him, he'd only come out to eat or play at night. We found out through the shelter that he had been trapped with his feral mom which seems to explain a lot of his behavior.

However his playfulness was a bit too much for Biff:

Who was too old to be wrestling with a kitty at all hours. Sure, she didn't mind a little play but sometimes she just wanted to be left alone. That is part of the reason we got Clio:

(the cutest cat in the WORLD with a personality to match!)

To play with him. From that point on, he would play with Clio, cuddle with Biff and had no use for us humans. He didn't seem upset at the addition to the family, more that he didn't need us for anything anymore. Our wedding and honeymoon where we were gone and had my sister-in-law house sitting seemed to have upset him further (ruined his routine) and he no longer came on the bed at night to sleep between my feet and petting him became a rarer occurance.

We decided to medicate him with some birth control from the vet (he's fixed, its an anti-depressant thing) since it worked miracles for my mother-in-law with her feral-born cat who was scared of everyone. I was just so worried that his fear/anxiety was not good for him.

Well, that turned out to be a huge mistake. Now we had to catch him once or twice a week and squirt this stuff in his mouth. We had a few traumatic catches where he got scared and hurt me, peed on himself etc. I would always hold him afterwards until he relaxed and purred, sometimes even drooled on me and would eat a treat. We had a few rare moments where it looked like the medicine was working... he came out when we had loud guests, ate then walked back to his room... we were able to pet him once or twice when he wasn't in a special spot and wasn't totally relaxed. But now he's terrified of us... if we make the slightest move in his direction, look at him, or even say his name, he runs under the bed. He's even afraid of toys that he used to aggressively play with. I almost wonder if the medication messed up his hunting instincts or if the trauma of catching him is behind it all.

So now we're leaving him alone, teaching him that we'll respect his wishes and that he can trust us. Its just so sad because he LOVES being pet/held and brushed.... but doesn't seem to associate all those good feelings with my hands and therefore won't let my hands near him.

So now I'm using this brush and so far, there are a few signs that it may work. I was able to stroke him with it a few times under the bed yesterday and today, he was walking up to it, sniffing it, batting at it, rubbing his face on it even though my hand was holding it. (Of course I couldn't look at him and see this behavior, I had to assume based on what I felt and what his shadow was doing). I just want him to be happy and have a good life, and if he hated being touched, I would just let him be, but he truly loves a good petting but is so scared of us that I want to move slowly and see if we can bond with him.

I'll definitely be talking about this a bit on here since it worries me and until I have kids... the cats are my kids I guess.

I miss blogging, did you miss me?

So I was inspired to start blogging again by my lovely friend Kat. I used to blog quite a bit on myspace but that stopped when I had to start censoring myself and got a new job.
However, I find that I miss it quite a bit and want to get into doing it again.

The title for my blog is not the best, but its hard to be creative and since I have a history of blogging about my incredibly bizarre dreams it might help people know what to expect when they decide to read this.

Its a little hard for me to type right now since my fingertips on my left hand are tingly/sting a little. Matt (my husband) suggested we both take guitar lessons since we both own guitars and neither of us ever learned much. So now I'm practicing each day and have to build up the callouses on my fingers. A rather painful process.

Unfortunately I've become a cat person. Yes... a full-fledged cat person. I take pictures of my cats and talk about them all the time (no birthday parties though!). My defense is that I have the most adorable kitten in the world. She's a Ragdoll named Clio and every day she does something insanely cute or funny. This morning she decided the brush was attacking her so she kept clawing at it and biting it. The other night, she lay down on a chair, then got up, turned around 3 times and lay back down and promptly fell asleep. Just like a dog! Her favorite toys are crinkle balls that she carries around in her mouth, drops, bats, then chases, then picks them up and carries them somewhere else. She also goes nuts if we throw socks on her back and attacks them, even to the point of flipping around mid-air and landing on her back to attack it.

The other night, I took one of her other toys, a stuffed pink monkey, and wrapped the Velcro paws around her neck. It looked like the monkey was hugging her/riding her. Matt and I waited for her to flip out but instead she sat down and started purring extremely loud. Even when the monkey slipped around her front and was in her way when she was walking, she made no effort to get it off her, just waddled around it and kept purring. The most adorable thing ever I think.

For those of you who miss my crazy dreams, don't worry, I'll be writing about those too! One recent dream I had was that I got fired. On my way out of the building, a co-worker of mine, a pretty good friend, pointed to the tray of brownies that I had brought in, pointed to a big piece that she was going it eat, and in a bitchy voice told me 'that's going to taste so much better when you're gone'. I proceeded to get pissed off and reached into the brownie tray and started trying to smash the brownie with my hand. A pissy cat-fight ensued and when my boss told me us to break it up I told him he had to back off because this is how girls settle things.

My current job has me working through lunch most days so I won't feel too guilty about taking a few minutes here or there to blog. Hopefully you guys will enjoy!